Fret not, gamers, allow me to offer you counsel. For years I have studied the dark arts of calling out of work, calling in sick, and faking family emergencies. While I retired this skillset upon leaving college, I carry this knowledge around with me like a disgraced soldier carries a blade; similar to the way a retired Mafia boss carries around the guilt of the havoc he has wreaked. Allow me to step out of retirement for a moment to impart this wisdom onto you, a new generation of gamers looking...